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Because I still hadn’t had surgery I was still out of work but on top of that I struggled to enjoy the Holidays and other special events, unfortunately I even missed some big events.
Halloween
My work was having a trunk or treat. My boss at the time let me come. Because I was unable to work my classroom was closed down, so I hung out in a different classroom. I glued some paper to a blue jacket to look like the Cookie Monster and then I sat in a chair and passed out candy and received lots of hugs. I was in so much pain but I was so happy to see all my kiddos again.
Baby Shower
Then the next event, My sister-in-law’s baby shower for my nephew (it was a big deal I was going to be an Aunt). I was determined to go even though it was a thirty minute drive and drives are the worst. Not only did we go but we picked up the cake from the baker in our town and I had to hold the cake on my lap all the way to the shower. I never mind holding things in the car but since I was in so much pain and I couldn’t hold a pillow to my belly It was very hard on me. Once we got there I was in pretty bad shape, I just picked a seat and I stayed. My husband brought me food and drinks and helped me up when I needed to. I can only imagine what people thought of me, as my husband “dotted on me” because no one knew how much pain I was really in. Mostly that’s my fault because I got pretty good at hiding it (I don’t recommend doing this because it makes the pain so so much worse later). So when I couldn’t hide it anymore people didn’t know what to think.
A New Baby
The next event my nephew was born. By this time my pain was so bad I couldn’t hardly walk to the bathroom let alone travel 30 minutes and sit in a waiting room for hours. My husband and his whole family spent several hours at the hospital waiting for him to be born. I was so upset that I couldn’t be there. Actually depressed is more like it, I sobbed while eating junk food, drinking a little too much wine (this is something I don’t do, I’m not a big on alcohol, 1 bottle could last me months). My husband waited at the hospital for as long as he could but it was getting late and he felt bad leaving me alone. Which he didn’t have to do and it made me feel guilty because all I could think of is what other people will think of me know “making my husband miss the birth of his first Nephew”. I’m always worried about what other people might think of me. It was just 15 minutes after he left, that our nephew was born. We went the next day to see him. It was a long 30 minute trip and I squeezed a pillow so tight to my stomach (by the way this is a trick that helps relieve a bit of the pain, counter pressure) but it was all worth it meeting my sweet nephew! We didn’t stay long because I was in so much pain. They gave me a pillow to help hold him up, because I couldn’t physically hold my arms up with all the pain.
Thanksgiving
Then it was Thanksgiving. My family always gets together for Thanksgiving at my grandparents house three hours away, there was no way I could make it. My parents stayed home so that they could be with me. We had Thanksgiving at our house (which was 45 minutes from their house). We invited my husband’s whole family since they where having Thanksgiving just thirty minutes away, when we usually have it an hour away. But nobody came. This really hurt my Husband and I felt so bad for him. Again this made me feel like its all my fault because he didn’t want to choose them over me. At dinner My family scooted the dining room table up to my chair so I could eat with them. Then, the next day we had a Friendsgiving at our house. We only invited three people, a couple of friends and my sister because we were used to getting together with our friends weekly before I got so sick and we missed seeing them, and my sister went to my grandmas for thanksgiving so I wanted to see her). But something amazing happened. My sister was coming from my grandma’s house and she surprised me with two of my cousins who live 4 hrs. and 10 hrs. away! And our friends surprised my husband with another friend who lives around 15 hrs. away. It was the best surprise and it meant so much to us that they all traveled from so far away just to see us. It was the best Thanksgiving I had ever had, despite all the pain I was in. Remember at this time nobody knew how bad the endometriosis was. Everyone excluding myself and husband had to decide whether they believed me or not. You may loose some family and friends over the inability to understand your pain. It might hurt them thinking you just don’t want to make an effort. This is a harsh reality that everyone with endometriosis has to live with.
Christmas Decorating
It has always been a tradition to set up our Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving and I wasn’t going to let my pain stop me from enjoying that. So my husband brought everything down from the attic by himself and I sat in my chair and unwrapped the ornaments while he put up the tree, decorated the tree, and the house the way I always do. Which he didn’t have to do that, but he knew I was in a lot of pain and it would boost my spirits.
My Best Friends Wedding
Another event that was just as hard on me if not harder than my nephew being born is my best friend was getting married in Florida and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I was very excited for that wedding and it tore me apart the day I had to call her and tell her I couldn’t do it. That’s a bit of an understatement I first was bawling as I told her and once I hung up the phone I was so angry, I threw my phone and then fell to the floor and started beating it just screaming. I’m not one to be aggressive but I was so done with everything.
My Basset Hound helped me through a lot of these events. Her whole life she did not like to be held or cuddled, but the whole time I was sick she never left my side or my lap and once I heeled she went back to not again. I think she realized that the pain was eased when she sat on my belly, and I was comforted by her snuggles. Somehow she just knew that’s what I needed. One time my husband tried to get her off my lap so I could eat and she bit him (she’d never bit before and never bit again, but she was being protective). She very quickly realized she was in trouble and that she had really hurt him.
I hated being miserable during all these special events. I’m very family oriented and I love hanging out with them, and especially at holidays and special events. For me It was most important to show up looking like crap, in tremendous pain, rather than not show up at all. And so if I missed an event its because the pain was just that bad I couldn’t tolerate it. Even though I look back and see how miserable I was at every event, I don’t regret going to any of them, not one bit. But I am still bitter about not being at my nephews birth or my friends wedding. I know this pain is terrible and it might be the worst pain of your life, but if at all possible don’t let it ruin your life, and make you miss out on things that are important to you.
It was hard knowing that just as much as the first Dr. didn’t believe I was in pain lots of people didn’t believe it because it wasn’t something they could see, it wasn’t cancer, and not many people know anything about it so just like the Drs. they thought I was faking for attention. I would get lots of looks. I tried really hard to hide my pain out in public which only made the pain worse, and when the pain was so bad I couldn’t do anything, people didn’t believing me because I was “just fine a few months ago”. Just remember every period the Endometriosis grows more and sticks to more things. So just because you could tolerate it last month doesn’t mean you can anymore. I don’t recommend hiding your pain. When someone asks how you are, instead of giving a polite “I’m doing good”, say “It’s a better day” or “I’ve had better days”.
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